36 THINGS YOU
WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES
1) During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at
2) When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
3) If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day
parade - at any time of year.
4) All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a
woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.
5) The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective -- or give him 48
hours to finish the job.
6) All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
7) It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk you down.
8) The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place -- no one will ever
think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building
9) Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are
deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite.
10) The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
11) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you
know exactly when they are going to go off.
12) If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you
haven't been carrying any before now.
13) You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of
showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
14) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to
speak the language -- a German accent will do.
15) If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the
mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his/her forthcoming art exhibition.
16) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a
woman tries to clean his wounds.
17) When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill -- just grab
one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
18) Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open
the fridge door and use that light instead.
19) If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their
most revealing underwear.
20) Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even
though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
21) Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
22) All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
23) A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Dodger Stadium.
24) Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
25) Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
26) It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone
27) Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the wheel
vigorously from left to right every few moments. Plus, you can drive for at least 10
seconds without looking where you are going.
28) It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
29) A detective can only solve a case once he/she has been suspended from duty.
30) It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts --
your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening
manner until you have knocked out their
31) When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a
concussion or brain damage.
32) No one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien
invasion will ever go into shock.
33) Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the
precise moment that it is aired. And you turn the TV off immediately to continue dialogue.
34) You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
35) Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -- unless it's the
door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
36) Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -- even while scuba diving.
Source: Holly Wood (Can't stand the "pun"ishment!)
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With People Who Drive You Crazy!"®
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Courtesy of The Freeman Institute