The following are their accounts ...
(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery,
and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut
eyeholes in the mask.
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole--are you
ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the
videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of
himself stealing the camera.)
|
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a
street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized
that: (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out
the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he
located a phone and dialed "911" for help ...
Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator.
Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and
loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain
surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors,
etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck,
only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.
|
Dr. Freeman's
Latest Book |
(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a
7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on
the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
Not long ago a man from Grand Forks North Dakota traveled to Fargo North Dakota to rob
Community First Bank. He scribbled his ransom note and gave it to the teller. The quickly
gave him the money and watched him run out the door. Attempts to search the surrounding
area were unsuccessful. Upon review of the ransom note it was revealed that the man wrote
the ransom note on his personal bank deposit note. Police traveled to the man’s home
to arrest him.
More Stupid Criminals
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from
the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off
the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene
and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still
attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
|
Own a full-size, 3D
Rosetta Stone replica |
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on
the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the
person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in
the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled -- leaving his wallet on the
counter. |
England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at
customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official
realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs
official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does -- backward! A
substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western
movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year- old woman, who wanted to have
her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.
Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than
serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check -- a *forged* check.
He got 10 years.
(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery,
and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head -- and realized that he'd forgotten to cut
eye holes in the mask.
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole -- are
you ready for this? -- the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That
is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the
videotape of himself stealing the camera. The police, however, *did*.)
North Carolina: A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level
window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could
not get to the money from where he was, (2) he could not climb back out the window through
which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and
dialed "911" for help ...
|
Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator.
Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and
loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain
surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors,
etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck,
only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck -- so they abandoned it.
|
The Freeman Institute
Black History Collection |
(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a
7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled -- leaving the $20 bill
on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
------------------
Florida: Dr. John Rende, a 38-year-old Florida dentist, agreed to allow two brothers to
cut off a finger with an axe and claim it was an accident. He collected a $1.3 million
lump-sum settlement from one brother's homeowner’s policy, and filed under his own
disability policy as well. Rende used some of the money to buy a yacht, which he named
"Minus One." He and his brothers pleaded guilty and are currently in jail....
(Excerpted from Erie Insurance Group's "In Sync" magazine.)
Hagerstown, MD: Jeff M. was caught driving while intoxicated, and was promptly arrested
by Maryland's finest so he could have some private time to sober up a little. As he was
leaving the police station, however, Jeff decided to "thank" the arresting
officer for services rendered by dropping his trousers -- while facing the officer -- and
making a gesture which would probably be understood by, say, Divine Brown. :-) Jeffy was
promptly arrested *again*, and charged with indecent exposure.
--------------------
(The following are all excerpted from "USA Today," Tuesday, 9 Apr 96; the
"USA Today" article was, itself, excerpted from the book, "Dumb, Dumber,
Dumbest," by John J. Kohut and Roland Sweet. (Penguin Books))
Vernon, British Columbia: Raymond Cuthbert dropped by a drugstore to say that he and
his accomplice would be back in 30 minutes to rob the place. On time for their
appointment, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police arrested them.
Sao Paulo, Brazil: Psychiatrist Oscar Dominguez was listening to a patient talk about
her sex life when he pulled out a gun and shot her to death. As he explained to the court,
"I just couldn't take those nut cases anymore."
[Editor's Note: I assume it's now *his* turn on the couch.... ]
Rouen, France: Moments after robbing a bank, Jules Duprer jumped into a car, shouting,
"Get away quick, before the cops come." He failed to notice that the car he was
counting on to spirit him to safety was a *police* car.
[Editor's Note: These last two aren't criminals, per se, but have nonetheless attained
such impressive heights of stupidity that they warrant inclusion here. ]
(Location Unknown): A gentleman awoke one cold morning and found that his car would not
start; the problem was a frozen fuel line. No problem for Mr. Brilliant -- one need only
warm up the gas, right? So he siphoned off the fuel, put it into a pot, took it into the
kitchen and heated it up on the stove....
Washington, D.C.: In 1994, local businesses paid their quarterly tax payments using
pre-printed address labels provided by the city. The unopened payments were returned to
the senders, with the notation "Box closed for non-payment of rent." The city
had failed to pay the $405 annual fee.
[Editor's Note: Of course not. Do you know how much it
costs to support a cocaine habit these days?]
**********************************************
Copyright 1996 by Vincent Sabio. Permission
granted.
**********************************************
Top Morons
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John
Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He
received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's
lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two
hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his
home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the
man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come
out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated
teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from
his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked
for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small,
so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three
hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives
asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money
or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!".
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My
wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is
this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is
her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard
King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a
weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately,
he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!
8. AND THE WINNER IS..... Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located
in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to
boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they
couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in
almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about
an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina,
thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough
topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine
ran fine the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct
size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check
underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW
REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place,
was the trailer!
**********************************************
