Courtesy of
The Freeman Institute
"Dealing With People Who Drive You Crazy!"


* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.

* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

* He who laughs last thinks slowest.

* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

* It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

* Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

* All men are idiots, and I married their King.

* Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.

* Montana -- At least our cows are sane!

* Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

* OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

* Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.

* Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.

* Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

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* Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

* We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

* Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

* There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

* Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

* Keep honking...I'm reloading

* II Kings 9:20

* If everyone's unique, doesn't that mean the whole world's crazy

* There's a fine line between genius and insanity, and I'm walking it

* If this is life I'm canceling my reservation

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* Life is a mystery, the solution is death

* If your reading this, STOP watch the road

* Rules For Stupid People: NO!!!!

* If your reading this your already dead

* Dain bramaged.

* Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway

* Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel 

* Boldly going nowhere

* CAUTION - Driver legally blonde!

* Heart Attacks...God's Revenge for Eating His Animal Friends 

* He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged 

* How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost? 

* CATS: The other white meat

* I'm an imbecile and I vote

* Money Isn't Everything... But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch 

* If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now

* Saw it... Wanted it... Had a fit... Got it!

* WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition

* If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! 

* Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.

* You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me not you! 

* You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT

* Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. 

* Grow your own dope, plant a man

* All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

* I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

* WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. 

* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

* All men are idiots...I married their king.

* IRS We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

* Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

* Hang up and drive.

* I took an IQ test and the results were negative. 

* Where there's a will...I want to be in it.

* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

* Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home. 

* Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.

* If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

* I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.

* Never take life seriously.

* Nobody gets out alive, anyway

* Never knock on Death's door:

* Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that) 

* I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

* You have the right to remain silent.

* Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

* You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

* The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

* Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

* If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

* The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

* Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

* Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 


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"Dealing  With  People  Who  Drive  You  Crazy!"®
The Freeman Institute™ Box 305, GambrillsMaryland 21054
TEL 410-729-4011   CELL 410-991-9718   FAX 410-729-0353

Courtesy of The Freeman Institute

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