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Quotations from Women about Women



1. I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.-Gilda Radner-

2. I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -Wendy Liebman-

3. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I also know that I'm not blonde. -Dolly Parton-

4. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr-

5. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson-

6. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner-

7. I think -- therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead-

8. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. -Erma Bombeck-

9. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton-

10. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong-

11. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler-

12. In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher-

13. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinhem-

14. Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. -Baroness Edith Summerskill-

15. If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? -Linda Ellerbee-

16. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor-

17. The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. -Helen Hayes (at 73)

18. I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. -Janette Barber
 

 
19. Who ever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. -Jan King

20. A few weeks after my surgery, I went out to play catch with my golden retriever. When I bent over to pick up the ball, my prosthesis fell out. The dog snatched it, and I found myself chasing him down the road yelling "Hey, come back here with my breast!" -Linda Ellerbee
 
21. Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. -Lily Tomlin

22. You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman?  It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears. -Geri Jewell

23. A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

24. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. -Laurie Kuslansky

25. My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -Erma Bombeck

26. Old age ain't no place for sissies. -Bette Davis


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27. A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. -Rhonda Hansome

28. The phrase "working mother" is redundant. -Jane Sellman

29. Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows. -Jennifer Yane

30. Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. -Charlotte Whitton

31. Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen

32. I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Yane

33. If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -Catherine Aird

34. When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss...and they called ME slow! -Kathy Buckley

35. Behind every successful woman...is a substantial amount of coffee. -Stephanie Piro

36. Behind every successful woman...... is a basket of dirty laundry. -Sally Forth

 

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